Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
im holly from the hills drunk
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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