Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
