you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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