you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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