1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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