this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
