Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
