Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
