i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
