He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
