the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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