I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
