I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
