there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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