Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
