Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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