Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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