last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
