i need an iv and a liver transplant
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
