my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
