He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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