this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
