Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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