He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
