when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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