Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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