Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
