okay pat passed out under dana's car
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
