That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
