dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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