my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
