You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
