new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
