so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And the cops told us we were all naked.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
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While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
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Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize