I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
