Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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