i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
