We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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