dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
