It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
