Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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