I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
