what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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