Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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