I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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