got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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