I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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