i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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