She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
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You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
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I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize