Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
