im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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