Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
