I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
