I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
