She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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