sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
