Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
