I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
