do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
