Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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