just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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