No awkward lesbian experiences without me
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
