We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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