Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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