You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Randomize
