I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
