i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
